It's happened on and off to best of us. It's not fun. Psychotic behavior happens sometimes. There are tears usually, some phone calls and really stupid sms's. It's called a break up. This breaking up happens to the relationship (usually at slow and painful speed) and to the head (at a more rapid rate).

So what do you do when you feel like you want to vomit and hurl yourself off something?

Use your phone: Erase his number first- yes I mean it! Do it now, damn it! Now that's done, you have friends numbers in there for a reason, they are cool and fun so call them and go out, hang out and make plans . He is gone but friends don't go anywhere (unless you fart).

Learn something new: Did you want to be an opera singer but never got lessons? Maybe a language, pole dancing or burlesque to remind you that you're a sassy single lady. A bit of guitar or art to pour some break up angst into? It's ok to take classes alone too- makes it easier to meet new people.

Make friends with boys: Some boys make great friends (and they have friends too wink, wink). Guys are great they hang out differently, relate differently and drink beer and make stupid comments. This can be fun when you need to not thrash every emotional hang up out in detail.

Make a myspace: spend time creating your myspace. It's like painting a picture of who you are and what you want. It's an awesome way to meet people and spend endless hours when boredom hits. Send out friend requests always with a personal message to say 'Hey there, great taste in music! So you speak Spanish too- Muy bien! Looking for someone to practice with?'. You get my drift.

Say yes: If you get asked to something social think about saying yes. Do stuff you may not usually do and meet a new circle of people. You can have wallowing times but it can't outweigh the social times.

Invite people over: have a regular mid week pizza night in with friends. Watch bad DVD's or trashy TV and make it regular. It's a great way to have down time with great friends and break up the week.

Fung Shui your room: focus on what you have in the relationship area of your room and the other areas too because we need balance in all things. Make it a place that reflects what you want around you right now!

Make a plan: There are some really blah-days sometimes. Yep we've all had them. So have a Blah-day plan. Work out what your outlets are for crapola feelings. My blah-list includes; blog and song lyric writing, taking photos, writing/practicing music and dressing up my myspace. It's hard to beat the blah, but your blah-list ensures that you are doing stuff that makes you feel creative and good.

Change something: If you wanna freshen up to reflect a new mind set then change something, maybe not a tattoo while you are feeling this way though. Hair colour, cut whatever else is fine. Go op-shopping (a cheap change). Sometimes a girl just needs to feel in control of changes, the break up is a hard one to steer, but you can drive all the other choices.

Make an honest I hate you list: It's tempting to call, to whine, to think of the good times but you broke up for a reason. Yep it sucks, but do you really want to be with someone whose not right? So make an honest I hate you list. Write down all the things that were wrong with him or it. Then read it whenever you feel like your stupid heart is taking a wander down memory lane blindfolded.

Talk to someone: Having a therapist is cool. Most people have seen one. They listen they don't tell you what to do and they let you cry and watch you get snotty and they don't mind. Friends love you to pieces so it's hard for them to just listen and let you talk, they will want to tell you how much he sucks and have a rant too. It's often good to have someone impartial to just hear you out and guide you into finding your own resolve.

So true, all of it.
I'm currently in the middle of a break up (well at least I think I am, long story) and every single one of those suggestions is something I have done in the last couple of weeks. I can't emphasise enough how good it can be to talk to someone like a therapist because sometimes relationship breakups are so hard and terrible that you need to talk about it and find a way through it.
This is my first break up since I moved interstate away from all of my close friends and it has been in the last couple of weeks that I have experienced my new friends compassion and ability to listen to me just *****, whine, cry and blubber like a big fat baby. So I think that the greatest weapon you can have to get through a breakup is your friends, they'll always be there long after your man has gone.

Excellent list Alison!

My suggestion to add is this (and it's proactive and preventative, just like good skincare!):

While you're in a couple, be really really aware and careful not to let your life get too couple-centric. Maintain your friendships with single friends - don't turn into a couple that only hangs with other couples. If/when you break up, it can be very difficult to actually figure out how to have a social life when all of your friendships are couple-oriented. If you have a few friends who are single or only casually dating, you'll still HAVE a social life if a breakup occurs. You'll have someone to go to the movies with, hit the beach with or to go out to breakfast with (it's amazing how many coupled-up friends are reluctant to spend a day at the beach without their significant other, which is very depressing when you've just broken up with yours!). Hard as it is not to get all loved-up and obsessive, maintain your single self while you're in a relationship. You won't feel so lost and adrift if you find yourself out of a couple.

Couldn't agree more with Allison and Della. Della hope you're ok and taking care of yourself xo

OzKat I just wrote almost the exact same reply - it's so important not to neglect your friends when you're in a relationship, because they're the ones you're going to want (and expect will be there) if it heads south. I needed a big reality check on this in my current relationship after a couple of people got sick of my constantly piking out on friend/group dinners etc. They just stopped calling til I sorted my &*^% out! And I'm glad I did, it was darn silly behaviour.

I too really advocate seeing a therapist/counsellor. There's no stigma attached and if anything I think it's a really healthy approach, because it means you're prepared to deal with the issue. Sometimes you need a completely objective ear and someone who can give you practical advice. I've been a few times for different reasons and it has always helped me cope better than I might have otherwise.

I'm sad to hear that BPJ, I hope things work out for you, whatever that means :) In the meantime, at least you will have good skin :)

Thanks Ozkat.

Thanks RBB,
It's a kind of a weird situation as well, but I've started seeing a counsellor and she has helped me with some of the issues that have resurfaced because of the break up l. BPJ I hope that you can get through this very difficult time and again learn to lean on your friends.:kissing: Just for you BPJ

You are very sweet Della! Thanks. Have been contemplating the counsellor thing too...

On staying in contact with your single gal pals - please do this!!! :penguin:

I'm one of the only single ones left in my group of friends, which is all good and well as I adore their partners too... but it can be like pulling teeth trying to get them to come out for just a coffee with me! I normally catch up with them eventually, but some friends I hate to say have fallen to the side as they won't do anything on their own anymore.

*mental note* to take my own advice when the next boy comes along...

When I was with my boyfriend, that was one thing I was very aware of (keeping my single friends). I made sure I had a boyfriend/couple social life and a single social life. I had seen too many of my friends fall hook, line and sinker into their boyfriend, disappear for a few months, then re-emerge into the harsh light of Oh-No-I-Don't-Have-Any-Friends day.

I hope it goes well for you BPJ!! xo

I hope it goes well for you BPJ!! xo

Thanks Toastie. After much moping and dwelling I have come to this conclusion; rather than focus on the negative in my situation right now, I have decided to focus on the positives; and have discovered that life is really too short to be miserable. There are certain things that I want from my life, which I have pushed aside, thinking I was doing the right thing by doing so, but you know what, I'm going to grab all these things I want with gusto (other than products from adore that is! :o ). I am going to finish that book I have started writing, I am going to stand in front of the Winter Palace in Russia, I am going to open myself up to new experiences, I'm not going to feel bad for being who I am, I am going to be kinder and I am going to make sure that all the important people in my life know that they are loved. Okay, rant over, but I have to say that that felt really good to off load! Thank you fellow adorables for being, well, adorable! :hearts:

When I was with my boyfriend, that was one thing I was very aware of (keeping my single friends). I made sure I had a boyfriend/couple social life and a single social life. I had seen too many of my friends fall hook, line and sinker into their boyfriend, disappear for a few months, then re-emerge into the harsh light of Oh-No-I-Don't-Have-Any-Friends day.

I hope it goes well for you BPJ!! xo

I was the same. I have had several friends distance themselves from me when they were in relationships, then come back crying and begging forgiveness etc when their relationships ended. So I made sure I always had time for my friends and often put their needs before my boyfriend's.

However I still don't feel I get this back from them now that I am the (constantly) single one. A couple of my friends have recently come out of relationships and they are great, we hang out all of the time - but the coupled up ones are still kind of useless!:tears:

I was the same. I have had several friends distance themselves from me when they were in relationships, then come back crying and begging forgiveness etc when their relationships ended. So I made sure I always had time for my friends and often put their needs before my boyfriend's.

However I still don't feel I get this back from them now that I am the (constantly) single one. A couple of my friends have recently come out of relationships and they are great, we hang out all of the time - but the coupled up ones are still kind of useless!:tears:

He Celestefay - I have to say most of my coupled up friends are great. It is hard to get them to do stuff on their own but in saying that their partners are great too. There are a few that aren't but they aren't my close friends anyway. :ashamed:

I currently have all my favourite coupled up friends trying to talk me into giving the internet dating thing a go! :redcheeks:

Deleted due to a case of the guilts!