Lady Allison (Staff)
16-01-2007, 05:30 PM
Single hell with speed
I have had a man with lust in his eyes pull a garter from my thigh with his teeth. I've judged Can-Can dancing competitions, encouraged people to exchange saliva and stopped a food fight between two very drunk young twits.
Yes I was once a speed dating host.
For those who haven't encountered the sheer hell of a speed dating event; the idea is that the gals take a seat and the boys have to move from table one to the next making chit chat while staring at their dates boobs.
Usually conversation goes like this: 'So what do you do? greeted by their date with a blank look of 'Oh crap!'.
In some cases, it's been known to go like this: 'So are you a divorcee, right?.. Yeah, you look like one' Or, 'I got shit faced before I came here, how bout you?'
My first event was a disaster. It wasn't all my fault. The Boys can never seem to work out that after table one comes table two. Simple, you may say but not on this night (and many others I was to experience in the next two years). The evening ended with men frantic that they hadn't met the big breasted blonde on table 8 because they couldn't bloody well count.
The singles event nights were the most entertaining (can you hear the sarcasm dancing to the samba beat on my tongue?). They are themed (say no more) and there are 120 hormonal singles and a decent amount alcohol involved.
Themes included: Moulin Rouge (an excuse for boys to look at girls in hot pants) and then there was Las Vegas Casino (ditto). Boys get an excuse to grope girls in tacky dares while girls get an excuse to unleash their inner exhibitionist with some wild dancing. It doesn't take much to incite this. A double movie pass usually does the trick.
The aim is to get as drunk as possible and throw a tantrum when you don't win a prize and then head for the bar for another champers.
The Christmas Bashes were at least more frisky than a roast at home with the folks. The cherry on top of the Christmas cake was *Pete the horny Santa (a host notorious for womanizing) running around asking the girls what he could give them for Christmas.
My most memorable experience was filling out a *match card for a woman so drunk she could barely walk. Funnily enough she actually got matches.
I have heard every pick up line under the sun 'So um, can I put your name on my match card, huh?' and I've seen my ex-boyfriend (whom I employed as a speed dating host) 'pick up' and then date one of the daters.
I have had nutty daters call me on my mobile phone insisting that they really should have had a match with David D....or was it David G?... too much champers my dear! I must have made an error because the seven minutes they spent with David D was so enchanting that he couldn't possibly have marked a 'no' against their name, surely!
And yet in spite of witnessing the horrors of speed dating, I'm not jaded or resigned to singledom. I still believe in love, I am just hoping that I can meet my future beloved without having to resort to hotpants.
*Pete's name has been changed to protect his not-so-intact reputation
*'match cards': tech talk for a card that tells the host: Yes: as in, 'yep I could do him/her' or, No: 'nup, no way'.
I have had a man with lust in his eyes pull a garter from my thigh with his teeth. I've judged Can-Can dancing competitions, encouraged people to exchange saliva and stopped a food fight between two very drunk young twits.
Yes I was once a speed dating host.
For those who haven't encountered the sheer hell of a speed dating event; the idea is that the gals take a seat and the boys have to move from table one to the next making chit chat while staring at their dates boobs.
Usually conversation goes like this: 'So what do you do? greeted by their date with a blank look of 'Oh crap!'.
In some cases, it's been known to go like this: 'So are you a divorcee, right?.. Yeah, you look like one' Or, 'I got shit faced before I came here, how bout you?'
My first event was a disaster. It wasn't all my fault. The Boys can never seem to work out that after table one comes table two. Simple, you may say but not on this night (and many others I was to experience in the next two years). The evening ended with men frantic that they hadn't met the big breasted blonde on table 8 because they couldn't bloody well count.
The singles event nights were the most entertaining (can you hear the sarcasm dancing to the samba beat on my tongue?). They are themed (say no more) and there are 120 hormonal singles and a decent amount alcohol involved.
Themes included: Moulin Rouge (an excuse for boys to look at girls in hot pants) and then there was Las Vegas Casino (ditto). Boys get an excuse to grope girls in tacky dares while girls get an excuse to unleash their inner exhibitionist with some wild dancing. It doesn't take much to incite this. A double movie pass usually does the trick.
The aim is to get as drunk as possible and throw a tantrum when you don't win a prize and then head for the bar for another champers.
The Christmas Bashes were at least more frisky than a roast at home with the folks. The cherry on top of the Christmas cake was *Pete the horny Santa (a host notorious for womanizing) running around asking the girls what he could give them for Christmas.
My most memorable experience was filling out a *match card for a woman so drunk she could barely walk. Funnily enough she actually got matches.
I have heard every pick up line under the sun 'So um, can I put your name on my match card, huh?' and I've seen my ex-boyfriend (whom I employed as a speed dating host) 'pick up' and then date one of the daters.
I have had nutty daters call me on my mobile phone insisting that they really should have had a match with David D....or was it David G?... too much champers my dear! I must have made an error because the seven minutes they spent with David D was so enchanting that he couldn't possibly have marked a 'no' against their name, surely!
And yet in spite of witnessing the horrors of speed dating, I'm not jaded or resigned to singledom. I still believe in love, I am just hoping that I can meet my future beloved without having to resort to hotpants.
*Pete's name has been changed to protect his not-so-intact reputation
*'match cards': tech talk for a card that tells the host: Yes: as in, 'yep I could do him/her' or, No: 'nup, no way'.