It hurts so much. We planned so many things and yesterday he says that he doesnt know how he feels about me anymore and that things have changed. He hasn't found someone else.

I kept saying I loved him and that i care about him and he didnt say it back. He says he doesnt want to hurt me and that he does care about me but maybe not as much as I wish but thats the whole reason this happened. Im giving him space at the moment but it sounds like he'll dump me soon.

He promised he would never hurt me, it hurts so much.
I dont know what to do. He's the first guy I've fallen in love with. It doesnt seem like he's hurting, its as if he'll soon forget about me after he dumps me.

I asked him what he wanted to do and he kept saying he didnt know and that he was confused.

It hurts so much, pls tell me how to deal. I cried all day today, i was so sad and angry. I've never felt like this before, i feel so betrayed and rejected.

Oh my god i feel for you so much :hugs:

I have no advice for you, i just want to offer you support and for you to vent on here as much as you want. I have never had a serious relationship so i don't know what your going through, but all i can say is be true to yourself and maybe at this time when he's away thinking about what he wants etc you should take the chance to do the same.

Keep positive, you poor girl :hugs:

Thanks princess precious! I will keep positive. Im eating a bowl of chocolate ice cream right now to make me feel better

Yellow Tulips..... I'm feeling for you, you sound so hurt. I'm sure most of us here have felt this way at least once during our dating lives and it sucks big time but as much as you don't want to hear it, you will start to feel stronger with time and the pain fades.... trust me, it really does. In the meantime, don't waste your time waiting for a guy who doesn't know how he feels about you.... you might miss the one who really really is totally great for you!! So, take some time out to move on, don't leave the decision to him..... one day this will all make sense.....

Be brave and make a decision for your self, do you want to live your life in limbo with this guy. If he's uncertain about his feelings he may be like this in the long term, its ok to live in uncertainity sometimes but this is not fair on you! Move on, by all means have a few more bowls of choccy ice cream ;) vent all you like on the forum too - its a great release :chuckle:

take care + thinking of you!

Oh Yellow Tulips :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

YT I feel for you. I dont have much constructuve advice, other than to remember we all deal with things in different ways, especially men. I doubt that he isnt caring or isnt feeling anything. He may just be hiding his feelings to make it easier on himself.

Take care :typing:

Yellow Tulips, I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this but from someone who went through the same thing once I'll tell you this...don't let him make all the decisions,as in choosing when to stay together/break up or he will do this over and over when it suits him.i know you feel great pain right now but it may be the best thing that he has let you know because now you get to decide how you want to proceed.time out to think doesn't always mean a permanent split,take this to re-evaluate how YOU feel about the relationship and most important of all trust your instincts.lots of :hugs:

it may hurt more initially but the other girls r right
u will get through this :hugs::kissing::waving:

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

ps - chocolate & lots of it works wonders ;)

:hugs:

Hey YT! That really sucks. I so know the feeling and it hurts really badly... Just remember if he does end it, you will feel really horrible and you will want to cry and that's okay. I promise that in a few weeks or months you will wake up and think- "hey, I feel okay today!"
It's hard, but most people unfortunately have to go through something like this in their lives. Chin up babe, we're here for you if you need us! :hugs:

Yellow Tulips :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

I feel so much for you. :hugs:

Yeah, we've all been there. You poor thing :hugs:.

Yellow Tulips :hugs:
The best thing I could say is to try and talk it out with your boy.
Good luck :hugs:

Yellow Tulips! Its terrible what your going through and i hope that it can be fixed as soon as possible....

The only advice i have is you really have 2 options: Hang in there and give him some space maybe he is feeling confused because he is afraid of commitment and his feelings for you are scaring him and he doesnt know how to express them. Or move on, which will be hard but if you feel deep down he is going to end it prolonging the agony of the pending decision will just make it harder, it will get better and u will move on and wonder what all the fuss was about.... In the meantime chocolate is GREAT!

Take Care....! And talk to friends (Or here) it always helps!

Big :hugs: for you YT, how are you feeling today?

YT :hugs: It's such a horrible place to be. If you feel he is worth giving the space do so, and use this as an opportunity to really focus on yourself, doing nice thing, cooking food you like, buying some clothes and watching DVD's or reading books and distracting with friends. But there is only so long you can wait, and If he sin't sure what he wants, or if he wants to be with you, that is his issue, don't let it be yours,

Be kind to yourself :hugs:

So many of us totally understnd how you feel:hugs:

We are here whenever you need us as a shoulder to cry on don't forget that :kissing:

You will get through it and move on, it just takes time, oh and lots of chocolate!!!!

:kissing:It will all work out. I hate relationship troubles, they hurt you nmore then you can imagine, we all know it hurts. But we all know it will be okay.
I suggest maybe give him some space and time but also try talk to him, wihtout pressuring him too much.

I dont really get men but maybe ask a male friend for advice if u have one? or ask one of the boys on here!

Hope your okay. Get together with the girls & pamper & treat yoursef;)

:kissing:It will all work out. I hate relationship troubles, they hurt you nmore then you can imagine, we all know it hurts. But we all know it will be okay.
I suggest maybe give him some space and time but also try talk to him, wihtout pressuring him too much.

I dont really get men but maybe ask a male friend for advice if u have one? or ask one of the boys on here!

Hope your okay. Get together with the girls & pamper & treat yoursef;)

Sometimes people do go through patches where things arent as good as they were before but with time they get it back. I would suggest giving him the space (a couple of days off) to get his head right. Sometimes what guys need is to realise is how good things are and to miss them before they can appreciate them.

Just my 2c worth.

nicely put James & great that u wanted to add :waving::worship:

Nice one James. I think we should appoint you our boy translator.

Nice one James. I think we should appoint you our boy translator.

Boylater or transboy. Actually definitely not transboy. People might get the wrong idea.

Boylater or transboy. Actually definitely not transboy. People might get the wrong idea.

:chuckle: :chuckle: :chuckle:

Could you be transman?

:chuckle::chuckle:

Boylater or transboy. Actually definitely not transboy. People might get the wrong idea.

haha transboy :chuckle:


I always think its good to get a boys opinion when u have boy troubles!!
Helps u understand there side sometimes.

So true James - YT, last year my boy went overseas and when he came back he was really unsettled and unsure what he wanted in regards to everything, including me - The day we ended I went back to Adelaide for a week (which ended uip being 2 2/12 months due to Glandular Fever - don't really recommend this, but you'll get the jist) and by that Sunday he was already asking when I was coming back and he could see me - by the time I got back and to where i am today, we are better than ever and together.

Probably not exactly what you want to hear but whenevr I've had doubts they are usually valid.

I agree with what everybody has said but listen to what your head is telling you.

Recently I was seeing a guy and lamenting to Dad that he hadn't called and I really thought I would have heard from him by then, and Dad said 'he's probably just not that into you' :chuckle:

Turns out he was right :shakehead:

Probably not exactly what you want to hear but whenevr I've had doubts they are usually valid.

I agree with what everybody has said but listen to what your head is telling you.

Recently I was seeing a guy and lamenting to Dad that he hadn't called and I really thought I would have heard from him by then, and Dad said 'he's probably just not that into you' :chuckle:

Turns out he was right :shakehead:

That's funny that you said that Celeste because I was just about to recommend the book 'He's just not that into you.' In my experience it always seems to be pretty black and white with guys...they are either into it or they're not. You just need to remember that you deserve the best which means someone who is completely and utterly into you! YT I've been in your situation and I know it hurts like hell and it's hard to see into the future when it's still fresh. But for me having someone tell me they weren't into me was the best thing that could ever happened! A year after the break up I found a new bf who is absolutely amazing and we have been together for 3 years! I guess what I am trying to say is that no matter how bad it may seem now it will all work out for the best whether you stay together or not!

Stay strong YT! I really hope you find happiness :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

Thank you everybody for the heaps of responses:hugs: I really, really appreciate it. I cant thank everybody enough:hugs:

I have been pampering myself with lots of choccies and watching dvds. Im still feeling angry, sad and missing him all at the same time. Lots of tears too:(
I've tried my hardest not to make contact with him, so far i havent.So tempting though. I keep checking my phone and email to see if he has though. I know, so lame and pathetic of me.

Im feeling like such a mess, i just wish things were like before. My gut feelings tell me that he wont contact me and break up with me properly or fix things. Its just in my experience when guys say 'i dont know' it usually means they do know and just dont wanna tell you cos they dont wanna hurt your feelings. When he told me all this, it sounded like he'd just given up, that everything has ended, but couldnt tell me straight off.

Although there is a teensy bit of me that thinks he'll contact me and fix things.

Anyways thank you everyone again! I'll keep everyone posted.

Omg..i cant believe I miss him at the moment. I miss miss miss him.:shakehead:

:hugs::hugs::hugs: u will for a while yet ,
it may be hard to find closure as well , so pls be kind to yourself
never r u or will u be pathetic , & remember u didn't do anything wrong , it's not your fault :hugs:

Eat heaps of choccies and chat to a pet. They help heaps :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

Eat heaps of choccies and chat to a pet. They help heaps :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

lol I like this advice gracious! Gold fish are great listeners :fish:

Your doing great YT it is hard to stay strong but in the end you'll be so proud of yourself. It's also a great time for a mini make over...buy yourself some new make up, have a long luxurious bath or go and get your hair done. You'll feel 100% better :)

Thanks for the update YT. Take care of yourself sweetie :hugs:

Thanks ladies for all your support. Well right now, Im feeling that I really really miss him. Its just so so so tempting to contact him. Its now been a week since this all happened. No word from him still.
I know it will look clingy if I contact him. I guess I should distract myself. Im on this forum for one. Thats a good distraction:)

I keep wondering; Is he thinking about me? Is he hurting as much as I am? Does he care? Is he over me?

Good to hear from you sweetie :hugs: Understand it is very difficult not to contact him, and that you're still wondering how he feels.

But don't forget YOU. How do you feel? What do you want? What's right for you? And is it right for him to have all the control in this?

I think you need to take a stand. How long can he ponder and skulk around for? May be just about time to get an answer, you don't want to be left in limbo - that's unfair, and you deserve better.

Good to hear from you sweetie :hugs: Understand it is very difficult not to contact him, and that you're still wondering how he feels.

But don't forget YOU. How do you feel? What do you want? What's right for you? And is it right for him to have all the control in this?

I think you need to take a stand. How long can he ponder and skulk around for? May be just about time to get an answer, you don't want to be left in limbo - that's unfair, and you deserve better.

Thanks Rasberry Beret. *hugs*. I feel really hurt at the moment actually. That he may not love me anymore and that he doesnt even know how he feels about me.
I want him to be honest with me and be straight forward. I want us to be together like before.
I dont know what i should say though when i contact him. I really dont wanna sound clingy. I remember him saying that he doesnt like clingy people full stop. I remember last week when this happened that I kept saying 'I love you' and I care about you and he didnt even say it back. Perhaps he detected my clingyness and desperation? I also said please dont go a couple of times.

Im not sure what to say in the email without sounding clingy. What if he feels that he's already said all that was needed last week?

Oh YT :hugs::hugs::hugs:

I don't think you'd be clingy by contacting him and asking him what the deal is. You need to know - you don't want to feel like this every day. I really think it's unfair you're waiting to get a phone call or message with a decision. He has all the control. I reckon you should seize some back.

Of course you need to do what feels right; let me just say though you are an equal partner in this relationship and you have a say in the decision-making.

YT, you defiantely have a right to know what's going on. That's not clingy, it's just looking after yourself. You need to know if you need to move on! You can't do that now because you don't know the score- you deserve to know!

I cant do it. I cant risk getting a cold answer from him. It hurts too much. I would just fall apart if he gave me some cold, unfeeling answer.
If he truly wanted me back, wouldnt he make the effort of contacting me. After all, i told him I loved him several times that day?

I cant do it. I cant risk getting a cold answer from him. It hurts too much. I would just fall apart if he gave me some cold, unfeeling answer.
If he truly wanted me back, wouldnt he make the effort of contacting me. After all, i told him I loved him several times that day?

I'm with you here YT. I know it is so very painful not knowing. But I think that I would feel so much worse if he were cold or worse still, nothing. Yes, it is a horrible feeling, but you've got us....and chocolate....and baths.....and facials and.....

Hang in there. :hugs:

Maybe you need to just rip it off, like a bandaid?

Do understand how scary it is, have been there.

No word from him since this all started. I havent contacted him either. Its all over. I hate him. Im so angry at him. I hate him for making me feel this way. I did nothing wrong yet he gets to dump me. I hate him.

No word from him since this all started. I havent contacted him either. Its all over. I hate him. Im so angry at him. I hate him for making me feel this way. I did nothing wrong yet he gets to dump me. I hate him.

YT :hugs: That is really poor form. I can't believe he hasn't contacted you after all this time! What a coward- don't waste your hate on him!

YT :hugs: That is really poor form. I can't believe he hasn't contacted you after all this time! What a coward- don't waste your hate on him!

Thanks *hugs*. I just wish this was all over and im not thinking about him anymore. I know, he is a coward. Grrrrrrrrrrrr

Make sure you keep yourself busy babe! You will feel like yourself again soon... promise! :kissing:

No word from him since this all started. I havent contacted him either. Its all over. I hate him. Im so angry at him. I hate him for making me feel this way. I did nothing wrong yet he gets to dump me. I hate him.

:explode: How immature! Yes, I totally understand how you feel YT.

By the sounds of things he's better out of your life than in it. As VeeE said, don't waste your hate on a silly coward. You deserve better!

No word from him since this all started. I havent contacted him either. Its all over. I hate him. Im so angry at him. I hate him for making me feel this way. I did nothing wrong yet he gets to dump me. I hate him.

Yep, definitely better off without him. :hugs:

I totally agree with the girls YT, you don't need him and deserve better than that. Its actually good that you're at the anger stage..... belive it or not it means you're moving on and forward.... yay you!! :waving:

what a total & gutless ****** :shakehead:, hard to believe someone u were close with could be so revolting , true colours though:mad:

:kissing::hugs::hugs::hugs: this is all about how pathetic he is & i feel for u having to go through this but wow what a ********

u r so much better than him :waving:

YT I can't believe he has not contacted you! What a coward and such immature way out :shakehead:

better off without him hun :hugs: you deserve someone who will treat you with respect

YT I can't believe he has not contacted you! What a coward and such immature way out :shakehead:
better off without him hun :hugs: you deserve someone who will treat you with respect

YT, time to move on. :waving:
As jaime says, you deserve much better. At least you found out what he is really like before you became too committed honey. :kissing::hugs:

YT, I hope you are doing ok. It's been a while since we heard from you...But that could be a good thing

YT, I hope you are doing ok. It's been a while since we heard from you...But that could be a good thing

Hey dodts..thank you. Im doing sort of ok. Thank you girls for all your support:). I really, really appreciate it.
My feelings are all jumbled up at the moment. There are times when im angry at him, then also im sad and then sometimes i miss him. Then sometimes i think im over him. Sometimes i just cry if a sad song comes on the radio/tv. There are times when certain things just remind me of him. Like if im walking down a street and sees something that vaguely relates to him.

Im still hurting and so not over him. I want to be though. This is so hard:( I cant seem to help thinking if he's thought about me all this time or if he's already found someone else.

Im a mess.

Hey dodts..thank you. Im doing sort of ok. Thank you girls for all your support:). I really, really appreciate it.
My feelings are all jumbled up at the moment. There are times when im angry at him, then also im sad and then sometimes i miss him. Then sometimes i think im over him. Sometimes i just cry if a sad song comes on the radio/tv. There are times when certain things just remind me of him. Like if im walking down a street and sees something that vaguely relates to him.

Im still hurting and so not over him. I want to be though. This is so hard:( I cant seem to help thinking if he's thought about me all this time or if he's already found someone else.

Im a mess.

Babe you wont be ready to be over it for a while. These things take time so dont think you should be over it yet.

Take good care of yourself and give yourself heaps of time to heal. And chat to us if you need :hugs:

Oh babe! I just want to give you a big hug! Like CJ said, these things take time to heal.

Exactly, over time it gets that little bit easier each day r each time you are reminded,

For yourself - you need closure - and you ned to communicate to him how you feel, so maynbe writing a letter, even if you don't give it to him, may help?

loola's idea is great , write a letter , but i would actually burn it after , it can help with closure

the mixed up feelings back & forth r very natural , & very hard to deal with , u r doing really well :hugs::hugs:

Closure is so important - I dind't get this with an ex boyfriend and really payed with me for 18 months until I got the chance to - suddenly, overnight, I felt so much better and so much of what I was hanging onto with "missing" him fizzled away.

^ Thanks loolabelle *hugs*. Over these past weeks i have thought about that too. About contacting him. Over and over again i thought about it. Something always stops me though.
Its just that i dont want to give him a chance to hurt me again. What if he doesnt reply? What if he gives the same vague answer he gave me last time-an 'i don't know'?.
I dont want to give him the satisfaction of me needing closure or needing anything from him.

I do feel the need for closure so much, i want these feelings to go away.

It will come when your're ready and least expect it - as so much does! Mine was at 1am when I was in the midst of a bout of pneumonia and I wrote an essay of an email. At the point I was, there was honestly nothing he could say that could hurt me, also because all I had ever done was care about him, as have you.

You just want to make sure you don't just stay in limbo. :hugs:

Thanks loolabelle. Im glad you got your closure:)
I just wish he'd be the one to contact me, apologising for the cr@ppy way he left things.

I was the same - if it's any consolation - after time had passed and I contacted him with no intention of him replying, he did and it was the apology of the century - he knew he messed up big time and kicks himself every day for it.

But I am glad it ended (not how he did it) as I'd be married to him now and have settled for someone who wasn't right for me,

You willk get there, yo need to get he control back and decide what you want to do and put yourself first.

The thing that sucks is that he might never get in contact with you, soyou need to take matters in to your own hands. I think writing the letter and burning it is a great idea. Make sure you have a friend there when you burn so you're not alone and you have a shoulder to cry on... :hugs:

Yep - I am so glad I didn't - I would have been waiting for a while - it would have happened eventually, but I needed to regain control.

I don't recommend 1am when you have pneumonia though :chuckle:

Great advice re the letter writing. It always helped me in the past too. Getting your feelings down on paper is great therapy. Clears your head a bit of the messed up feelings its going through.
:hugs:

:hugs: YT

Well, you could consider dumping him!

If you really believe it's over, how about sending him a letter/email that says something like - you have respected his request for time out and that you really think, on reflection, that the relationship is just not working so let's call it a day and move on, we had some great times and I really wish all the very best things in life for you.

That gives you closure and puts you back in control of your own feelings plus you get the added bonus of the moral high ground :clapping: Most importantly, if you decide to go down this route, don't expect a reply. This is your decision, not his!

I'm so sorry you're hurting YT, focus on moving on and be kind to yourself.

Well, you could consider dumping him!

If you really believe it's over, how about sending him a letter/email that says something like - you have respected his request for time out and that you really think, on reflection, that the relationship is just not working so let's call it a day and move on, we had some great times and I really wish all the very best things in life for you.


That gives you closure and puts you back in control of your own feelings plus you get the added bonus of the moral high ground :clapping: Most importantly, if you decide to go down this route, don't expect a reply. This is your decision, not his!

I'm so sorry you're hurting YT, focus on moving on and be kind to yourself.

OMG that is frickin brilliant , wouldn't u love to see his face HAHAHAHAHAHA

So i've been really stressed about this and i think its one of the causes of my heart palpitations today.
Its like everytime i think about it, i end up getting a pain in my stomach. Is that normal? I ended up crying on the weekend over it. I just cried while i was watching a dvd, i was just so sad:(

How come this pain wont go away? Its been like a month..

YT :hugs:

I think you should consider talking to a counsellor about it. Sometimes it's really good to speak to someone completely objective to the situation; a professional who can give you strategies to cope. I've done it before and it was so worth it.

It's going to take time; a month isn't very long. It's awful to go through something like this, but you will get through it :hugs:

Oh YT :hugs: How aweful babe... I promise you will feel better, but as Rb said it will take time. I agree, if you can it's good to see a counsellor. They will help you a lot if you find the right one...

More :hugs:

So i've been really stressed about this and i think its one of the causes of my heart palpitations today.
Its like everytime i think about it, i end up getting a pain in my stomach. Is that normal? I ended up crying on the weekend over it. I just cried while i was watching a dvd, i was just so sad:(

How come this pain wont go away? Its been like a month..

It is normal babe. Dont go thinking its not or you are weird or something.

And please remember to heal!!! Give yourself time... be totally selfish and completely dote on yourself during this time. You really need it.

I know it doesnt seem like it now but the fog will clear and you will come out strong and at peace. It just has to take its course. :hugs:

:hugs: YT

I wish we could tell you that by next Thurday you will be over it but unfortunatly life is not like this :shakehead:

I bet most if not all of us here have gone through the same thing, if not, something very similar. I know I have, its awful but you will survive and you will chalk it up to experience and move on.

Please talk to someone, it will help.:hugs:

YT :hugs: have you spoken him yet to confirm that you guys have broken up - I know how awful that limbo feeling is and at least with some answer you can fully start to move on.

YT :hugs:

I think you should consider talking to a counsellor about it. Sometimes it's really good to speak to someone completely objective to the situation; a professional who can give you strategies to cope. I've done it before and it was so worth it.

It's going to take time; a month isn't very long. It's awful to go through something like this, but you will get through it :hugs:

this is from me too , :hugs::hugs:

relationships Australia , r a subsided counselling group aust wide , give them a call , it will help with the closure as well :)